Love amongst other things
is a strange thing. Technically love is “an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment,” which all in itself seems like an understatement, but once one really evaluates what they feel when they’re in love it is just that.
Now this begs the question: have I ever been in love? My answer is yes, I have. Do I like being in love? Well…yes and no. It’s one of those things that I am extremely ambivalent about. I don’t think any other thing on this planet brings more diametrically opposed feelings than love does. It’s so incredibly frustrating because one minute, you can be the happiest girl/boy on Earth, bouncing on Cloud 9 with how free and safe you feel in your feelings of love. Then the next moment, if somehow this love becomes negative in some way, it becomes the most excruciatingly painful feeling in the world, sometimes manifesting in a physical pain as well. You feel the pressure swell up in your chest and the knot in your throat forms. Honestly, it really sucks.
With that said, it’s hard to decide whether or not the happiness being in love brings is worth all the pain it could potentially cause as well. The saying goes “it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved as well.” I don’t know how much I agree with this. Sure I love being in love (ha) but I hate being heartbroken. I can’t imagine any experience worse than this, and in those times I sat alone in my room crying on the floor, did I wish that none of the love had ever been there? Hell yeah I did.
I think all of this has made me a bit more guarded, because I was definitely too naive in the past to let myself fall so quickly and without discretion. I learned the hard way that I have to guard my heart so that it can be at least 95% sure that it will be secure if it so happens to fall again. I hate being heartbroken, I hate still being heartbroken because I still have feelings. Love sucks.
GET OUTT OF MY HEADD!!!
I can kind of see why some people just like to have casual flings without any strings. A lot easier, a lot less risk. Maybe I should just do that instead -__-